


Lilies Under the Oak Tree

by wayfindr



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bittersweet Ending, Drama, Heavy Angst, M/M, Romance, Semi-Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-11
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-10-26 13:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17746769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wayfindr/pseuds/wayfindr
Summary: Xehanort and Eraqus' Mark of Mastery exam is just a week away. But between the parties, the training and the suffocating expectation for success, both boys begin to crumble under the pressure.





	1. Chapter 1

Eraqus stared at Xehanort, watching the light-haired man study the chess board with resolve. Eraqus soaked the image of him, trying not to laugh at the posture change after ever move he made. In the beginning, Xehanort had been examining the board with a look of determination but after every move, every turn, Xehanort slumped further down in his seat. He was now resting his elbow on his knee, supporting his head with the palm of his hand.

“Are you going to--”

“Hush,” Xehanort cut Eraqus off. Not even glancing up at the man as he placed a finger over his own lips in a gesture of silence. Eraqus grinned, hiding his laugh behind an undignified snort. Xehanort groaned and ran a hand through his hair, he couldn’t find a prime spot to move his piece. He was glaring intently at the checkered squares as if the pieces would migrate to their winning spaces on their own.

“If you stare any longer,” Eraqus teased, “you’ll burn out the little fuel you have left.”

“Haha,” Xehanort looked up at Eraqus, “You think you’re so funny. Checkmate.” Xehanort didn’t look away from the dark-haired man, a smirk stretched across his face. Eraqus looked down at the board and rose an eyebrow. He leaned forward and knocked Xehanort’s hand out of the way, moving his own crown piece into place, “Checkmate.”

Xehanort’s eyes widened comically, he glanced between his captured piece and Eraqus’ face. When the realization hit him he groaned, “Oh, come on!”

Eraqus laughed, “And what is that? 0-5? I’ve won every game this week.” The dark haired man reached over the board to collect Xehanort’s remaining pieces, placing them carefully in the wooden box that sat on the window ledge next to them. The sun had set hours ago, and the moon was now hung high in the sky, curtained in a blanket of twinkling stars. Lights dotted the city, the sky cars moving languidly across the horizon.

Xehanort leaned back against the wall next to him, bringing his knee up to rest his arm on. He leaned his head against the wood, releasing a soft sigh. Eraqus froze in his clean up. Xehanort’s hair was mused from the day's work and their hours of training but he looked no more disheveled than Eraqus did. His jaw was clenched, his eyebrows furrowed across his sharp features. Dark bags had grown under the older boys eyes and were growing darker with each passing day, weighing down his mischievous gaze with burdening exhaustion.

“You’re doing it again,” Xehanort said, shaking Eraqus from his trace.

“Doing what?” The younger man questioned. He stood from his seat, moving to a cabinet to the left of the room to put away the marbled board and its companions.

He knew exactly what he was doing.

“You were staring,” Xehanort said, peaking one eye open. He watched the fabric move across Eraqus’ shoulders as the younger man as he stretched. Eraqus was trying to reach the top shelf since the others were filled with various books and scrolls, and despite his age, the 19-year-old still had to hop onto his toes in order to slide the board and box into its home. They shouldn’t have made the walls so high but Xehanort couldn’t help but secretly thank the architects.

Eraqus didn’t speak for a few seconds, “I was not.” This wasn’t the first time he had been caught peeking over at the man. And no matter how many times he got caught, whether it be by peers or Xehanort himself, he never seemed to learn his lesson.

It wasn’t this bad when they were kids.

Eraqus held a great admiration for Xehanort. The two of them learned lessons from one another that they couldn’t learn from their master or their textbooks. Xehanort was a free spirit, chains unshackled by his arrival at Scala ad Caelum and despite the retying of his soul to the floating islands, he still held true to himself. Eraqus was bound by honor and family to continue his legacy, he had walked these halls before he was even allowed to attend, life cemented into the floors of the palace. Both of them came from backgrounds that held them back, and both learned from one another that sometimes rules needed to be broken to continue on with life.

“Are you excited for tomorrow?,” Eraqus pulled a book from the shelf, mindlessly turning its pages. He wanted to change the subject.

“The celebration?” Xehanort asked.

He listened to Xehanort’s shift against the polished wood, “Yeah.”

“Eh,” Xehanort shrugged, “not really. All we do is dance and eat and then next week we’ll be doing nothing but working our asses off.”

“I think it’ll be nice.” Eraqus murmured, pausing at a page that showed a diagram of the ancient keyblades. The foretellers, his relatives, were stored away between hand bound pages. Permanently etched into history.

Xehanort stood from his seat, “look at me,” he mocked, holding up his arms in a waltzing position. Eraqus turned and watched, holding back a laugh as his friend shook his shoulders and clicked his heels.

“I’m ready for my partner,” Xehanort said, his voice unnaturally high and posh. He paused for a moment, his gaze rolling over Eraqus’ figure, silently inviting the boy to join in on his escapade but when he noticed the lack of advancement he continued alone.

Xehanort stepped to the side, slightly stumbling over his own feet, before spinning the phantom person in his arms, “Oh, Xehanort,” his voice had hit a level so high it cracked, “you’re such a wonderful dancer. I can’t wait to watch you beat Eraqus up during the exams next week.”

Eraqus chuckled and rolled his eyes before turning back to the cabinet. He slide the book into its empty slot before speaking, “Haha. Very funny. Maybe the ladies will bombard you with requests,” Eraqus said, “and I’ll finally get a bit of pe-”

Eraqus heard the door of the cabinet close and felt a presence shadow his back, wrapping his person in a heavy warmth. He spun, startled by the sudden sensation. Xehanort had teleported, a new and rather annoying ability the man had suddenly acquired a few months ago, and was now standing less than an inch away from the shorter man. Eraqus could see every detail on Xehanort’s face. From the tiny fading scars that decorated his skin to the almost unnatural glow of his silver eyes. Eraqus’ breath hitched when he noticed the golden specks forming around the other’s pupils. That was new, but not unwelcome in terms of appearance.

Eraqus thought his heart was going to burst from his chest.

He ducked down immediately, and moved away from Xehanort’s figure. He swore he heard the older man sigh, but Eraqus passed it off as the sound of their coats brushing up against each other as he walked past him.

“Have you been sleeping, Xehanort?” Eraqus heard the other laugh. He glanced over at the light-haired man and watched as Xehanort placed a hand on his hip and ruffle the hair at the back of his head. He was caught and he knew it.

“Xehanort.”

“No,” Xehanort muttered, before speaking up, “No. I haven’t.”

“And why not?” Eraqus knew why, he just wanted to hear the other say it.  

He wanted him to hear him say that this apprenticeship was stressing him out, that it was waking him up in the late hours of the night.

He wanted Xehanort to confide in him.

“Don’t worry about it,” Xehanort said, “I’m fine.”

“Those bags under your eyes say otherwise,” Eraqus countered.

“It’s just,” Xehanort grumbled something under his breath before shaking his head, “It’s nothing. Head to bed Eraqus, we have a big day tomorrow. Goodnight.”

And with that Xehanort swept himself out of the room, making sure to carry his troubles with him.

Eraqus sighed, “Goodnight, Xeha.”

* * *

 

Xehanort rocked on his heels as he watched the students dance around the ballroom. He nursed a drink in his hand, sipping at it every few minutes. The chill had run off of it and the heat from his fingers made it unpleasantly warm. His gaze roved over the scene. Everyone was dressed their best, albeit a bit old fashion. The girls wore dresses that came in at the waist and puffed out far enough to knock over a few passerbys if they weren't careful. And the boys wore frilly shirts with embroidered collared jackets. Everyone’s outfits were individualised. Some were hand-me-downs, some we handmade and, in Eraqus’ case, some were made for the occasion specifically. But they all displayed everyone’s character.

This dance specifically takes place only when wielders were ready to take their Mark of Mastery. And this year, Eraqus and Xehanort were the only two who were scheduled to take theirs. One night, a week before the official exam, everyone, both masters and students, get together to have a large celebration to honor those who had made it through the program. The master’s advertised it as a sophisticated ceremony filled with posh conversations and Scala nobility. And in retrospect, it was exactly that. But in reality, it was just a bunch of kids dancing horribly and getting drunk off of tiny cakes and sugary drinks.

Xehanort placed his drink on the tray of a passing busboy before pulling at the black sleeves of his coat. He was the only one not dressed in bright colors. His outfit was painted with charcoal and detailed with embroidery that was dipped in gold. Simple, but elegant.

The older boy watched a young girl sweep Eraqus into the middle of the dancefloor. Eraqus, given who he was, knew every step to every dance, but the girl looked like a toddler who was just learning to walk. Xehanort knew Eraqus wouldn’t be able to reject her, no matter how many times she stepped on his feet.

So, he decided to save him.

Xehanort strolled across the room, skillfully avoiding the other couples, before casually taping on the girl’s shoulder. Both her and Eraqus ceased their stumbling and looked up at Xehanort.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Xehanort said, “But, may I steal him from you.”

Surprisingly, a look of relief washed over the girl’s face and she eagerly passed Eraqus’ hand to Xehanort's before pulling up her skirts and scurrying away. The duo watched as she barreled into her friends, who had congregated at the edge of the floor, and proceeded to burst into a fountain of giggles. Her face was bright red, and her friends began relentlessly teasing her.

“She was sweet,” Eraqus said, as Xehanort looked down at him, “To young for me, but sweet.” Xehanort moved casually, setting a hand on Eraqus’ waist while the other secured his hand. Eraqus placed his free hand on Xehanort’s shoulder, trembling a bit as he did so.

“She was about to kill you,” Xehanort laughed, “stomping on your feet like that.”

“She didn’t mean any harm,” Eraqus chuckled, “but thank you for the rescue.”

The two of them moved with the rest of the group. Swaying along to the small orchestra that sat upon a platform to the left of the hall. Eraqus went to lean forward, to rest his his head of Xehanort’s shoulder, but the sudden introduction of hand drums to the once melancholy beat froze him in his advances.

The music picked up its pace.

And all of the couples fell in line for a traditional dance.

“Xeha,” Xehanort had twirled Eraqus out before pulling him back in.

“Hm?”

“Next week,” Eraqus went to speak but was swept away by another boy. They had both forgotten that the traditional dance required partner changes every few seconds.

Eraqus was back in Xehanort’s arms, “What about next week?” The older questioned.

Eraqus tried to answer but everytime he was back in Xehanort’s embrace the two were separated again. Falling into dances with different partners. They clapped and stepped around each other, coming within inches of one another before being pulled away at the last second. Eventually, they found their way back to one another and were now in the center of the room, surrounded by giggling students.

They had returned to the position in which they started, arms locked together, backs straight and their chests inches apart. Xehanort was panting slightly, the energy of the dance catching up with him, and Eraqus looked a little disheveled. All these years and he still wasn’t used to the near constant twirling. The crowd clapped, the kids cheering and chanting. Eraqus burst into laughter, pulling away from Xehanort and waving his hands at everyone, “Thank you, guys!” He could feel the blush creeping up his face, “ Enjoy the rest of the night!”

Eraqus silently grabbed Xehanort’s hand. He pulled the boy out of the crowd, past the tables lined with food and out onto the ballroom balcony.

A sweet escape.

The night was cool. The chatter and music was now muffled by the balcony curtains. It was just the two of them.

Eraqus leaned against the banister, his hands resting against the cool marble surface.

“What’s wrong?” Eraqus jumped slightly at Xehanort’s words, before looking over at the boy.

“What do you mean?” Eraqus asked. He heard Xehanort shift, and out of the corner of his eye, he watched the older man turn away from the sky and lean back against the railing. Crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. Xehanort chuckled, the sound deep and rich, before rolling his eyes.

“You know what I mean,” Xehanort said, “you were trying to tell me something in there. And I know it must have been important if you were trying to tell me in the middle of a _dance_.”

Eraqus wrung his hands together, he left out a heavy sigh.

“Just promise me,” he said, “whatever happens this week. And whatever happens after our exams, we’ll still be there for each other.”

Xehanort paused. His hand, that was hidden under his locked arms, clenched. For a moment he couldn’t bring himself to look at Eraqus, but he did, and he forced a laugh as he spoke, “What makes you think I won’t be there.”

Eraqus didn’t say anything as his gaze connected with Xehanort’s. The younger boy sighed and sent him a weary smile, “I’m just saying. All of this, it’s a lot.”

“Where’s that bubbling bastard we all know and love?” Xehanort snorted, “The one who’s so optimistic and positive that he could give motivational speeches in his sleep? Where’s that Eraqus, hm?”

Eraqus reached a hand up to hide his smile, not wanting the little joke to deter him away from the serious conversation. He froze when a tan hand covered his own and pulled his fingers away from his face, “The point was to make you smile.”

Xehanort chuckled as he turned the younger man away from the balcony. Eraqus inhaled sharply, and went to pull his hand out of Xehanort’s grasp but the other only tightened his grip. Neither of them wanted to let go.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Xehanort whispered, “I know that’s what you’re worried about. And even if we were separated. I’ll still be _here_ , right?” Xehanort lifted his unoccupied hand and poked gently at Eraqus’ chest, right over his heart. Eraqus snorted, now this was not the Xehanort he knew. The Xehanort he knew was never fond of vocalizing his affections nor was he good at it. So this Xehanort, this oddly expressive man, was a completely foreign entity. But, Eraqus would be lying if he said he didn't like it.

“We’ve been through to much shit for me to forget you,” Xehanort said, “And besides, after all these years. I don’t think I could, no matter how hard I’d try. Plus, if I forget about you, I’d have no one to beat at chess.”

Eraqus laughed. Now that, was the Xehanort he knew, “Yeah, same.”

“Oh?” Xehanort rose an eyebrow, “No witty reply?”

Eraqus hummed, “Um, not really. I’m a little distracted?”

“By?” Xehanort questioned, his gaze filling with mischievous intent, “Don’t tell me you snuck some of the alc-?”

“You. I'm distracted by you." Eraqus said, his gaze not leaving Xehanort's.

Xehanort froze before looking away. He ran his free hand through his hair, trying to ignore the trembling. It was his turn to blush this time.

“Oh,” he whispered, “that was smooth, Era.”

Eraqus felt his smile widen, “I try.” He laughed. It was light and carefree but Xehanort could see the dusty shade of pink stretch across his companion’s face. The older man tightened his grip on Eraqus’ hand, tugging at it slightly to gather the giggling boy’s attention. Eraqus stopped moving, the twinkling of his laughter dying off as he rose an eyebrow, “Hm?”

Xehanort sighed. He needed to tell him before it was too late. “Eraqus I—“

“Young Master Eraqus? Xehanort?,” a guard peeked his head through the curtains, “It is time for your acknowledgments.”

Eraqus immediately pulled away from Xehanort, ignoring the guard’s curious expression as he bowed, “T-thank you, we’re coming.”

Eraqus didn’t grab Xehanort’s hand as the two stumbled back inside.

“There they are!” They were immediately greeted by their master, a man who was shrouded in his own mysterious and faceless to those who did not reside within the academy, as soon as they reentered the ballroom. He rose a glass towards the duo, “My prized students!”

The crowd had all paused their merriment. The students were attempting to clammer over one another to get a glimpse at their seniors, giggling and whispering as they did so. The nobility stood to the sides. Their figures straight and posed, their noses turned up at the commotion. 

“Xehanort! Eraqus!” Their master said, a grin on his face, “I am proud to be your teacher. You two may have caused me quite a bit of trouble in the past, and still do,” the audience laughed at his joke. Eraqus smiled fondly and Xehanort froze. “But, your connection is a strong one and I care for you both deeply. May you pass your exams with flying colors and wear your title as Masters proudly.”

Their master rose his glass a bit higher, the rest of the crowd doing the same.

Together the entire world spoke its phrase, “May your heart be your guiding key!”

To Eraqus, those words were a blessing.

But to Xehanort they were now a curse.


	2. Chapter 2

The week had gone by smoothly, the two apprentices spent their days together like they always did but more hours were spent in the training rooms rather than the observatory. Tomorrow was the day of their exam and they had both decided a last minute spare would be good for the both of them.

Eraqus was currently wrapping his hand in fabric, his palms had blistered, the near continuous training wreaking havoc on his skin. He didn’t have hands like Xehanort, whose years on Destiny Island had prepared him for the rigorous training the keyblade masters were put through. Eraqus, after all these years was still stuck with same sensitive skin he was born with. No amount of training or scarring could change that. Eraqus tried not to laugh as he remembered the first comment Xehanort had ever made about him, “you have baby hands.” He had blurted out when they shook them, “do you even wield a keyblade?”

Sometimes Eraqus even asked himself that.  

Eraqus felt a poke to his backside and spun around, swatting at the intrusion.

Xehanort chuckled, “Are you ready yet, pretty boy?”

He pulled back his blade as Eraqus chastised him, “Yes I am.” He snapped, but his voice held an air of playfulness to it.

“One day you’re going to cut me with that thing.” He said, “And what are we gonna tell the master? ‘Master, Xehanort stabbed me in the ass with a keyblade. Can you please give me a potion to heal it?’”

“He’d make you lay around for a week to learn your lesson,” Xehanort said as the two strolled into the middle of the training room.

“He’d kick your ass too. So, we’d both be outta commission,” Eraqus said smugly. Xehanort simply laughed.

The conversation died soon after as the two of them fell into offensive stances. Eraqus held his blade securely in front of him, both hands wrapped tightly around the hilt. He stepped forward slightly, mocking an attack and laughed when Xehanort jerked backward, “You ready? You’ve been training all those extra hours by yourself. I'd hope you'd be prepared.” He teased.

Xehanort grumbled a quick, “Yes.” But couldn’t help the grin that poked at his features. So, Eraqus wanted to play that game, huh? We’ll he guess they’d have to play it.

Xehanort charged Eraqus but the other was quick on his toes. He stepped back, successfully moving out of his attackers way without having to move his blade. This session seemed a little lax compared to the ones they had earlier this week. Before they would leave the training room beaten and bruised, their hair tangled in knots and their knuckles bleeding.

Xehanort had even broken Eraqus’ nose a few days ago, having swung his blade too hard and fast and leaving Eraqus no room to counter. It had slammed right into the noble’s face. And after navigating the hallways, Xehanort pinching Eraqus' nose while the other nasally whined about the pain, even after getting a potion to heal it, the both of them figured that it was time to pull back a bit and save the real intensity for the exam.   

The two danced around each other, no one really landing any purposeful hits.

“Aw, come on Xeha!” Eraqus teased, “Is that all you go- woah!”

Xehanort had spun himself low against the ground, spinning his leg around to trip the other. His attack was successful. Eraqus went toppling backward. Master’s Defender slipped from his fingers and hit the ground with an echoing _clank_ before disappearing in a flurry of light.

But just as Xehanort stood, Eraqus kicked his leg out sloppily and slammed his heel into Xehanort’s knee, sending the older man stumbling. He released his keyblade, the weapon disappearing before it even hit the floor. Xehanort tried to catch himself, but tripped over Eraqus and fell to the floor, slamming right into the man he had just knocked over.

“Ugh!” Eraqus grunted as all of Xehanort’s weight crashed into him, their foreheads slamming together. They were a tangle of limbs, their legs intertwined and chests touching.

“Damn, you’re heavy,” Eraqus grumbled out, trying to catch his breath. He brought his hand to his forehead and rubbed the spot where their heads connected. He just knew that was going to leave a bruise.

The whole thing took Xehanort by surprise and it took him a minute to realize what had happened. He pulled his face away from Eraqus’ neck, having subconsciously buried it there when he felt the throbbing pain explode in his skull, and propped himself up on his hands. He felt a bubble rise up in his chest, and it exploded out of his mouth in a series of unfiltered laughs.

Eraqus stopped nursing his head and just stared at Xehanort. The older man’s face was twisted in an image of amusement, his hair was mused from the tussle. Eraqus had never seen Xehanort laugh this hard. Ever. At anything. Eraqus felt his own laughter burst from his chest and the two were now laying on the tiled floor singing their choruses of amusement.

“God, Eraqus,” Xehanort’s laughed died down to a gentle chuckle, “We really have no coordination, do we?”

Eraqus reached his hand up and wiped the tears from his own eyes, “No, we don’t.” He said, his chest still bubbling with light laughter. But his laughter got caught in his throat as soon as his eyes came back into focus.

Xehanort was staring at him.

And not just any stare.

One that was filled with a strange sense of need. Of desire.

Eraqus was suddenly very self-conscious of how he looked. Was there something on his face? Did his hair look bad? Oh, who was he kidding, he had just headbutted the thickest skull he had even known and there was probably a big red welt on his forehead. And he could feel the waves of his hair falling out of his ponytail. And Xehanort’s stare only seemed to intensify the longer he looked.

“Xeha,” Eraqus asked, his own gaze focusing in on anything but the man who was hovering over top of him, “Why are you looking at me like that?”

The question seemed to shake Xehanort out of his trance. The older man blinked. Once, Twice. Three times, before shaking his head slightly.

“Like what? I’m not looking at you like anything.” He said, quickly.

“Yes, you were!” Eraqus said, propping himself up on his elbows. Xehanort pulled back a bit but made no effort to completely remove himself for Eraqus’ person, “you were! I’ve never seen you—” Eraqus’ eyes widened when Xehanort rushed forward, pressing his lips against his. The kiss was clumsy and clearly unplanned, their teeth clashing together from the force. Xehanort wanted to blame the adrenaline for his actions but he knew it wasn’t that.

Eraqus mind exploded. They were training no more than 5 minutes ago. 3 minutes ago Xehanort had tripped him, 2 minutes ago Eraqus had kicked Xehanort and a minute ago they had fallen to the floor in a heap of spirited sportsmanship and now, now they were kissing.

Eraqus’ immediate reaction was to push Xehanort away, so he did.

“What the has gotten int—”

“You never see it,” Xehanort was panting lightly. A combination of the fighting, the falling, and the kissing all having taken the wind out of him.

“Huh?” Eraqus’ hand stilled on Xehanort’s chest, his fingers sprawled out across the fabric. He could feel his muscles tense underneath the shirt, and his heart was beating so hard he could nearly hear it in his own mind.

“You never see me act this,” Xehanort said again, “Because you’re never looking when I do. When I look at you.”

And with that, Xehanort leaned in again to kiss the younger man again. This time closing his eyes as he did so.

And Eraqus let him.

Xehanort supported himself on his elbows, lowering Eraqus back down onto the tile floor. Eraqus moved with him, too entranced by the situation to care. It was nothing like the kiss from only seconds ago. It was more gentile, steadier, and carried a feeling of adoration so strong that neither of them had to speak it for it to be known.

Eraqus lifted his hand up to Xehanort’s cheek, running his thumb over the smooth skin before pulling him a bit closer. Only seconds past, that felt more like hours, until Xehanort pulled away. He rested his forehead against Eraqus’ and spoke, “Well?”

Eraqus blinked several times, letting the situation sink in.

And then he reacted.

Xehanort grunted as Eraqus pushed him off of him. And clearly unprepared, the older boy went rolling to the floor with a heavy grunt, “Hey!”

Eraqus scrambled to his feet, his face flushed red, his hands shaking. He looked around the room, his eyes darting from corner to corner, “My keyblade? Where is my keyblade?” He patted his pockets as if the huge key would somehow fit there.

Xehanort propped himself up, “What the hell are you talking about Eraqus?”

Eraqus made a few distressed sounds before the realization hit him, “Oh that's right, it disappears.” He mumbled to himself.

He looked over at Xehanort, who wasn’t supposed to be that handsome while all disheveled and starry-eyed, and his face burst into an even deeper shade of red.

“I’ve gotta go!” Eraqus blurted out.

He had wanted to kiss Xehanort, he’d been thinking about it since the day of the celebration. Maybe even fantasized about it a few times. But he was nowhere near prepared for the _real_ thing.

Eraqus ignored Xehanort’s calls of protest. The younger man scampered out of the room like a mouse and disappeared down the hall as the doors slammed shut.

He left Xehanort sitting in the middle of the floor.

Xehanort made no effort to chase after Eraqus, he simply leaned back on his hands and laughed, “that went better than I expected.” He said to himself.

He paused when another realization dawned on him. He brought his hands his face, his fingers tracing the skin underneath his eyes. He cursed and pulled them away as if his skin had burnt him.

“I should have told him.”

* * *

 

The night came and went. The day rolling over the horizon far quicker than ether boy would have liked. Both were standing beside each other now. Eraqus greeted Xehanort as soon as the other had entered the examination room with a gentle smile but otherwise kept quiet. Xehanort couldn’t tell if it was because of nerves or their kiss.

Xehanort had decided not to follow Eraqus the night before, knowing that the man would shut down the moment he tried to talk to him. It was best to just let the events from yesterday settle on their own. He held no hard feelings towards the younger man, he knew Eraqus was easily embarrassed in terms of intimacy. And in reality, so was Xehanort. Neither of them knew what they were doing when it came to that sort of thing.

Xehanort didn’t have parents and Eraqus might as well been an orphan, given his lack of emotional support growing up in the castle. Neither of them knew what actual love felt like.

So, when they both started to feel it, it was like a train had slammed right into their hearts.

“Good morning, boys!” At the sound of their master’s voice, both boys came to immediate attention. Their master laughed and gave his speech. It was short, sweet and simple. Ending with its traditional phrase. While their master spoke Xehanort watched Eraqus out of the corner of his eye. The younger boy stood tall, proud. His back was straight and his chin high. At that moment Eraqus looked exactly as he was bred to be. A piece of the aristocracy. Nobility. A prince. And Xehanort’s superior.

“Are you ready?” Xehanort paused, he didn’t realize he had zoned out that bad.

“Yes, Master.” They said in unison. Their master raised his hand and pointed behind them, “We’ll begin.” A whirring noise filled the apprentice's ears, and the two were greeted with several large white glowing orbs.

Pure light.

Xehanort inhaled sharply as he spun around, keyblade in hand.

The orbs floated in the air ominously. Swaying back and forth in front of the two.

“Xehanort,” Eraqus said, his blade in raised to attack, “you take the left I tak-”

All of the orbs stopped their dancing for a brief moment before charging Xehanort. The older man had little time to react as the balls of light clashed into his blade. He cursed under his breath, this wasn’t good.

The orbs bounced back, and Eraqus sent Xehanort a look of confusion. They only reacted like that when...Eraqus’ eyes widened.

Xehanort ignored the shift in Eraqus’ features.

He knew.

“C’mon, Eraqus,” Xehanort said as he watched the orbs circle the two of them. Xehanort stepped back, as did Eraqus, and within seconds the two men were back to back, their blades held out in front of them.

They skated across the room, their figures weaving in and out of the chaos. The exam required them to use their offensive, defensive and magical strengths and both boys did exactly that. Eraqus had the upper hand, however, and Xehanort face twisted in frustration as he watched the noble destroyed another orb.

Eraqus: 4, Xehanort: 2

And it didn’t matter if Xehanort had reached the final one before Eraqus, he would still be a point lower. Like he always was.

Soon enough they were down to the last orb, whose light had grown unnaturally bright when it descended upon them. Eraqus rolled to move away from the attack, slightly blinded by the brightness but Xehanort did the exact opposite.

He lifted his blade and yelled. The frustration of the past week bursting from his blade in a ribbon a purple and black fog. It slithered around the orb, constricting it until the ball popped, showering the room in a rain of light. Xehanort fell forward, his head aching, if he hadn’t caught himself on his blade he would have collapsed immediately. Eraqus laid across the floor, wide-eyed and open agape. He was flabbergasted, unable to comprehend what he had seen. He didn’t want to believe it.

“Well done!” Their master clapped loudly as he descended the steps, “Eraqus you did wonderfully! Quick on your feet, as usual. And Xehanort,” the older boy looked up at his master through his bangs, exhaustion was seeping into his frame. His body unused to that much power, “You could use a bit more practice, but you have improved greatly.” Their master sent him a sinister grin.

Eraqus stayed silent as he rose to his feet, his keyblade already having disappeared the moment he crashed into the floor. Everything made sense now. From the lack of sleep to the excessive hours of private training to the new abilities. All of it.

“As a reward, for your improvements,” Their master began, “I have gifted you both the title of master.”

“What?” Eraqus’ whispered under his breath, baffled by what he was hearing.

Xehanort winced.

Their master chuckled, “Not everyone is perfect, Eraqus. Xehanort,” Xehanort didn’t even want to look at the man. He regretted everything, “and for your own improvements, I am bequeathing you No Name.”

“WHAT!” All control had left Eraqus. His eyes were wide and the shock on his face held an underlying image of pain and confusion. He could feel the headache forming, “M-Master! You-”

Their master held up a hand in silence. “Eraqus,” he said, his voice sickeningly sweet, “You were just given the Master Defender, were you not? It is Xehanort’s turn to receive his promised inheritance.”

Eraqus couldn’t believe this was happening. He watched as their master held up the prized blade, presenting it to the older man with grace. Xehanort stepped forward and rose his fist. He exhaled slowly as he opened his hand. He prayed no one noticed how bad he was trembling. Eraqus said no more as he watched the blade disappear from their master’s hand and into Xehanort's.

It was Xehanort's now.

The keyblade that every student at the academy dreamed of receiving was now bestowed upon the one man who didn't deserve it. 

Their master was the only one who smiled, “Congratulations boys, you’ve earned it.” And with that, he whisked himself out of the room. No motivational speech, no warning, just silence.

Eraqus didn’t move. He didn’t know how he would react if he did. He was angry, hurt, _disappointed._ Xehanort didn’t earn any of this, he was _given_ it. He wanted to scream at the man. He wanted to tell him how pissed he was. All of this, all of these years, and for what?

Xehanort sighed, “I should have told you.” Eraqus felt the stinging behind his eyes and the itchiness fill his throat before he felt the tears well. He closed his eyes, exhaling slowly to collect himself. He was not going to break down in front of Xehanort. He wasn’t going to give the other the satisfaction.

He had given Xehanort enough of that yesterday on the training room floor.

They both received their titles as master, but Eraqus’ couldn’t even muster up the strength to tell him ‘congratulations.’

Eraqus turned slowly, eyes connecting with Xehanort’s. He held back a scream as his gaze soaked in the image of gold, not silver.

Xehanort tried not to flinch at the intensity in Eraqus’ eyes. If looks could kill, he would be dead.

“Yeah, you should have.” Eraqus hissed, making sure to knock his shoulder into Xehanort’s as he left the room, the doors slamming shut loudly behind him.

Xehanort sighed.

This was not how he wanted to tell him.


	3. Chapter 3

Left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Right.

“Fuck!” Eraqus watched as Xehanort stumbled over his own feet, landing on his knees rather ungracefully in the middle of the practice room. He watched as the older man growled to himself, mumbling curses and degradations under his breath. Xehanort’s bangs shrouded his eyes but Eraqus could tell by the man’s posture that he was glaring daggers at No Name, which was tucked underneath him and still gripped tightly in his hands.

Xehanort fell back on the hunches of his legs, throwing the blade across the room as he did so. In his fit of rage he had managed to lodge it in the wall, but as soon as it landed it disappeared in a tendril of darkness before returning back to Xehanort’s hands. The older man screamed and Eraqus flinched.

“Get away from me!” He threw it again, but it came right back.

Eraqus had never seen Xehanort like this. He was used to the light bags under the boy’s eyes, from his sleepless nights, and his hair was naturally unruly but he looked like a completely different person now. His face had hollowed out, the shadows under his eyes darker than before, his voice raspy from, what Eraqus only assumed, many hours of howling at the empty walls of the facility.

They had not spoken in weeks. Eraqus couldn’t handle what he had learned and Xehanort couldn’t face what he had done to the one person he cared about most. So for the first time, in years, the two lived away from one another. Avoiding the other like the plague. It was so bad that the kids had even noticed, which resulted in a series of outlandish rumors. Most of the stories were ones surrounding petty arguments and stolen dinners. A few kids assumed Eraqus was jealous of Xehanort, because of the blade he was bestowed. But both men brushed off the talk. The other students were all too young to comprehend the actual weight of the situation. And if their innocence boiled down the fighting to awkwardness, petty fights and gossip than so be it.

As the days past, they grew heavier and longer. Both of them began to realize that their lives were intertwined far more than they had ever anticipated. And they were both starting the feel the strain of the voluntary separation.

Xehanort released his blade, letting it disappear into the abyss that housed it. He turned to leave but froze when he saw Eraqus standing in the doorway. Eraqus could have sworn he saw a look of pain flash across his gaze before his expression settled into one of indifference.

He was trying to hide it.

And it would have worked on anyone else, but Eraqus knew better.

“I’ll get out of your way,” Xehanort said looking down. His hair falling in front of his face.

Eraqus didn’t say anything as Xehanort made his way towards the door, he didn’t reach for him either. Eraqus simply stepped to the side, and as he did so he pulled the door of the training room shut behind him. A quiet click echoed across the room. He locked it.

“I can still leave,” Xehanort said. He still wouldn’t look at the younger man.

“I know,” Eraqus said, “But you won’t.” He let out a sigh as Xehanort turned on his heel and went back to standing in the middle of the room.

That was a good sign.

Eraqus stepped forward, “Why did you do it?”

“Do what?” Xehanort questioned, giving Eraqus a look of agitation.

“Don’t, Xehanort,” Eraqus replied. They were facing each other now. The distance was enough to create both comfort and anxiety.

Xehanort sighed, “Because.” _There was no point in hiding it, but he couldn't bring himself to reveal it._

Eraqus rose an eyebrow, “Because? Why did you do it, Xehanort?” Eraqus tried not to wince at his own words, they came out a bit harsher than he intended. He knew Xehanort would shut down if he wasn’t careful. And no matter how much they missed each other Xehanort wouldn’t say a word until he felt comfortable enough to do so.

He was lucky Xehanort didn't blow up the moment he locked the door. 

“Because,” Xehanort looked up at Eraqus. Gold connected with brown and Eraqus flinched, “I had no other choice.”

“No other choice,” Eraqus let out a laugh, “Really?”

“Yes really,” Xehanort hissed, “I had no other option. I couldn-”

“Excuse me?” Eraqus questioned, “You had no other _option_?”

“Will you stop repeating me?” Xehanort snapped, “yes. I had no other _option_.” _This was ridiculous._

Xehanort ran a hand through his hair, “I had to catch up to you Eraqus. I know we’re friends but you were always ahead of me. Always. And when the master offered to give me extra training and promised me that blade I couldn’t say no.”

Xehanort had subconsciously moved forward, his figure shadowing Eraqus’. The last time they had stood this close was when they were a tangle of limbs kissing on the training room floor.

Eraqus didn’t stand down, he looked Xehanort dead in the eyes as he spoke, “Was it worth it?”

Xehanort inhaled, the question catching him off guard. In reality, he wanted to say no. That receiving No Name and listening to his master’s seductive words about the darkness wasn’t worth losing Eraqus. That the past 3 weeks were an absolute nightmare knowing that he couldn't talk to his best friend about anything. But he couldn’t admit that, just like he couldn’t admit that he had sat in the observatory, hovering over their chess board like a child. Hoping that Eraqus would waltz into the room and ask for a game like nothing ever happened. Or that he spent nearly an hour watching Eraqus cry over the same board when everyone was supposed to be in bed.

Xehanort, unfortunately, did the exact opposite of explaining. His stubborn pride and emotional confliction snatching him up by the neck and forcing the harsh words to leave his throat.

“Why would you even care, _prince_?” Xehanort hissed. His voice was hard but his gaze betrayed him.

Eraqus didn’t catch the difference this time.

“Why would I care?” Eraqus’ calm facade began to crumble. He could feel his ears grow hot and his hands start to shake, “Why do I care? I don’t know, Xehanort! Maybe it’s because we’ve been together for years. And you can’t get it through your stubborn head that I’ll always be there for you!”

“I’m worried,” Eraqus sighed as he continued. He ran a hand over his face in frustration. “You’re using darkness to supplement your strength and you know exactly where that can lead you if you continue to do that.”

“I’m fine,” Xehanort said, “I’m a grown man. I know what I’m doing.” _I don’t know, and I’m terrified I’ve made a mistake._

“Clearly, you don’t.” Eraqus countered, “if you knew what you were doing, you wouldn’t have been so set on using the darkness in the first place. No Name would have gone to a student who-” Eraqus paused, he shouldn’t have said that.

Xehanort chuckled sarcastically, “Go ahead Eraqus. Finish what you were going to say. No Name should have gone to a student who?”

Eraqus stayed silent.

“A student who deserved it,” Xehanort said. “You think I cheated.”

“No, I don’t,” Eraqus sighed, “I don’t think you _cheated._ I just wish you would have talked to me before all of this happened.” Eraqus made a grand gesture with his arms. He was referencing both nothing and everything. Overwhelmed by the sensations of love and betrayal.

Xehanort couldn’t counter that one, he knew he should have spoken to Eraqus. He tried to even. At the party on the balcony, during their training, after their kiss. But he always got distracted by Eraqus. And deep down he knew a part of him never wanted Eraqus to find out. He wanted Eraqus to be proud of him, proud of how strong he had become. No longer that standoffish boy from the islands. No longer an outsider. Xehanort was willing to lay himself at Eraqus’ feet if it meant the one person he cared about would look at him as an equal. Even if his source of power came from the one thing his best friend feared.

Unfortunately, Xehanort had no clue that Eraqus had always seen him as an equal. As his best friend, his partner, and now his lover.

“Why does this all matter to you,” Xehanort grumbled, “We’re masters now. We’ll go our separate ways in a few years. You’ll go off to rule this land and I’ll-”

"I care because I-" Eraqus paused, unable to create the words of reassurance he so desperately wished to.

"Because why, Eraqus," Xehanort said, his voice slightly louder, "I'll have to start from scratch as soon as I leave here. You will always have your title and I'll have to spend the rest of my life scrounging around for the approval of everyone one. So, why do you care Eraqus! Why do is matt-"

“Because I’m in love with you!” Eraqus yelled, successfully silencing Xehanort,  “I care because I’m in love with you and I don’t want to lose you to this!” There was a silence that curtained the room. Covering the two in a shadow of both frustration and devotion. Eraqus’ eyes widened after realizing what he had said. He tried to catch his breath but it was trapped in his throat.

And for the first time in Xehanort’s life, he was speechless.

Eraqus let out a noise that mimicked that of a whimpered. He covered his mouth with his hand, his eyes still wide.

He couldn’t believe he had said that.

Eraqus stepped back, putting distance between the two of them.

Xehanort struggled to speak. He was like a fish out of water, oxygen was of no use and he could feel himself growing light-headed.

“Eraqus,” Xehanort eventually found his words, “Eraqu-”

“Shut the hell up,” Eraqus muttered, he reached his arms up and scrubbed at his face. He sniffled slightly but kept his head down.

Xehanort had never known what heartbreak felt like but this had to have been it.

Eraqus was crying.

“You don’t think I feel horrible?,” Eraqus choked out, “you don’t think I get anxious every time the nobility speak to me. Every time I’m given a speech on why I should maintain my family’s legacy?” Eraqus let out shuddering breath and lifted his head. He wasn’t going to cower away from this, “A-and every time we’re together. You don’t think I notice how your mood changes when I’m addressed by my title.”

“I’m not stupid, Xeha.” Eraqus said, “I know how you feel and I try my hardest to not let any of that get in the way of our relationship. We’re polar opposites,” Eraqus laughed. There was a bitterness in his voice that Xehanort had never heard before, “But fate is a cruel mistress and she didn’t find enough amusement in the idea of making the prince and the mysterious stranger became friends. She had to make sure the prince fell in love with him too.”

_Fuck her._

Xehanort didn’t say a word. He couldn’t. He felt ashamed of himself. Eraqus, the man he was in love with, had just confessed to him in the most unpleasant way possible. He had never seen Eraqus cry like this before. He knew he did but Eraqus hardly ever showed it. Whether it was because he was too proud too or that he was trained not to, Xehanort didn’t know. But he did know that the younger man was crying his eyes out in the middle of their training room because he thought he made a fool of himself.

Xehanort stepped forward.

Eraqus didn’t move.

Xehanort pulled Eraqus’ hands away from his face. Eraqus kept his head down, too embarrassed to even look at the other wielder. Xehanort pulled him close, settling the boy in an embrace. Eraqus flinched when his figure made contact with Xehanort’s, surprised at the abrupt movement but after a few seconds, and an internal struggle between giving in and letting go, the younger man melted. He was just tall enough to place his chin on Xehanort’s shoulder.

Xehanort turned his head and pressed his lips to Eraqus’ temple, “I’m sorry.” _F_ _or then, for now and for what I am going to do._

Eraqus said nothing, he buried his face in the crook of Xehanort’s neck and snaked his arms up to clutch at the back of his jacket.

Surprisingly, Xehanort did the same.

They were each other’s lifelines. Whether they realized it or not.

Eraqus felt Xehanort tremble slightly, his shoulders shuddering as the older man let out a shaking sigh.

Xehanort’s grip on Eraqus tightened just as Eraqus felt a damp sensation bloom across his shoulder.

But this time Eraqus didn’t say anything.

He didn’t need too.

He understood.

* * *

 

“I’m leaving,” Xehanort said, his gaze connecting with Eraqus’.

“Be safe,” Eraqus said. The two stood outside on the landing docks of the Scala castle. It was the usual training location for wielders who had acquired their armor. It was open, safe, and easily accessible for those skilled enough to turn their keyblades into vehicles. While most days it served as a teaching facility, today it was a departure site.

It had traveled quickly through the school that Xehanort was preparing to leave and travel the worlds. And everyone was excited to see what the future held. Even the two that feared it the most.

Xehanort ignored the plethora of gazes that shadowed Eraqus' figure. They were older now, both having earned their titles as not only master’s but educators. Xehanort glanced down for a brief second.

A little girl had wrapped her arms around Eraqus’ waist. She was a new student, young, no older than 8 but had a real knack for the blade… and Eraqus. She was attached to the man at the hip, almost literally, and Eraqus himself had taken a shine to her. She had her face nestled against the man’s stomach, and Eraqus had his hand placed on top of her head. His other students, some older, some younger, were also crowded around him. Some were there simply because Eraqus was. No matter where Eraqus went one of his pupils followed. They were like ducklings. A line of little keyblade wielders trailing after the one they admired most. Other’s wanted to see Xehanort transform into his armor and fly off into the unknown, and few were rather eager to see the two master’s exchange words in the public eye.

Xehanort could tell, by the way his current students looked up to him, that Eraqus’ training career wasn’t going to slow down anytime soon.

“You’ll visit?” Eraqus hummed, he nudged the little girl off of him. She looked up at him and giggled before scampering off to another student that stood in the crowd. Latching on to them like she had Eraqus.

Xehanort’s gaze softened. He had always had a soft spot for the students at the academy, but only a few took to him like they did Eraqus.

He was the big bad wolf. Scary in training and too intimidating to talk to.

Eraqus was charming and charismatic enough to talk himself out of any situation.

“Yes,” Xehanort said. _Hopefully_.

“Good,” Eraqus, couldn’t say much more. The ears of his students were to close. They didn’t need to know his private life. To the other’s it looked like an awkward silence had shrouded the two adults, and a little chorus of giggles could be heard from behind them.

Eraqus rolled his eyes and turned, “Alright, everyone inside. You can watch from the windows!”

The kids all groaned, blaming one another for losing their tickets to see the departure. Xehanort watched as Eraqus instructed a few of the older, close to graduating, wielders to take the other’s inside.

When the kids had all disappeared and the two were left on their own, Xehanort was the first to speak.

“Eraqus I—,” Xehanort wanted to tell him.  He wanted to tell him the truth this time now that his first secret was out. Years had passed and he still had not uttered those same words Eraqus had confessed to him during their argument. Despite the past few years being filled with secret kissing, unfiltered flirting and the occasional rendezvous in the privacy of their apartments, he was still unable to say those three words. He wanted Eraqus to know he cared, he wanted Eraqus to know he loved him but after everything, he felt too ashamed to say it. But he still wanted him to—

“I know.” Eraqus said simply, a small smile stretched across his face, “I know, Xeha.”

He pulled Xehanort into a hug, rolling his eyes at the bursts of laughter coming from the balconies above them. He brushed his lips against the other's cheek as he pulled away. Soft enough to make it look like nothing but emotional enough to make it feel like everything.

Xehanort didn't have anything left to say.

He finally knew and that was all that mattered.


End file.
